Computer Lingo

Computer

An instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger "Duffy" Bilingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to overthrow Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his invention as a gift to the surly dictator. The plot worked. On April 8, 1945, Hitler became so enraged at the "Incompatible File Format" error message that he shot himself. The war ended soon after Hitler's death, and Duffy began working for IBM.

Users

A collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor. Users are divided into three types: Novice, Intermediate and Expert.

Novice Users

People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.

Intermediate Users

People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.

Expert Users

People who break other people's computers.

Software Testing

Prior to its final release, software typically progresses through two "stages" of testing by users. These are called Alpha and Beta testing.

Alpha Testing

Software undergoing testing as a first step in getting user feedback. "Alpha" is Latin for "doesn't work".

Beta Testing

Software undergoing final testing shortly before it is released. "Beta" is Latin for "still doesn't work".

 

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